Thoughtful Thursday

So now that I have started this blog about my style Journey, I have been thinking a lot about why it is so important to me that I develop some style.  The first thing that comes to mind is my mom.  My mom was an amazing, incredible single mother.  She was an outstanding teacher, receiving many awards in her 25 year career.  She was a tireless worker...sometimes working 4 or 5 jobs to provide for my brother and me because my "father" did not pay any sort of child support.  She was always there for us and provided anything we needed, whether it was physical or emotional.  So what does my Mom have to do with style?  Well, I guess because she didn't have very much of it either.  She had many other things...patience, kindness, grace, integrity, love, acceptance, loyalty.  I could go on and on.  Why didn't she have a lot of style.  If you can't tell already, it is because she gave everything to everyone else.  She put her self last in all things.  My mother passed away 10 years ago from cancer.  Certainly a lack of style did not cause or contribute to her cancer.  But I do believe that not taking care of herself and the burden of all of the stress in her life did.  I wish she had taken it easy a little more.  I miss her every single day.


I am not nearly as selfless as my mom.  I enjoy doing things for me.  I workout, have lunch dates with girlfriends, give my time to charity, drink Starbucks, watch trashy reality TV, etc.   I believe that feeling great has a lot to do with where your heart is.  Are you right with God?  Are you right with your husband?  Are you right with yourself?  For me, those answers were an easy "yes"...but I still did not feel confident enough to let my personality be reflected in my style.  I prefer to blend in and not be noticed when it comes to my style.  My personality far from blends in and certainly stands out.  I am not afraid to say what is on my mind and have very strong opinions that I voice freely.  I swear a little (not around the kids of course) and love a good fart joke.  I care deeply for people and would defend someone I love til the end, probably even if they were wrong.  If you don't like that about me, I am not offended if you keep on walking.


What does my lack of style have to do with my mom's lack of style?  I wasn't so sure until one day a couple of weeks ago when I had lunch with a dear, stylish friend.  She told me she liked my sweater.  I immediately replied "Oh really?  It's from Target...it was really cheap."  My friend did not ask me where it was from or how much it cost, but I felt so strongly I had to tell her that it wasn't anything "fancy" (no offense Target!) and that I didn't spend much money on myself.  I realized that I needed to tell her those things because I don't feel I deserve to look nice.  This was the beginning of my turn around.  I need to be good to myself.  I am going to start buying clothes and shoes that look good on me and make me feel confident.  I am going to keep my nails looking nice and my hair current with highlights.  I am going to make time for me so that I can reflect the good I feel on the inside on the outside as well.  Come to think of it, I think I will get a manicure tomorrow!